The Main Event

impatientredtruck:

“What’s funny!?” Heatwave is still on the defensive but his tone is softened. He can’t bring himself to be huffy and mad when he feels good. 

Kade laughs harder, but offers, “You really wanna know?  Think the name I heard you guys use is ‘self-servicing’.”

He continues scrubbing, grinning just a bit that he knew enough Cybertronian colloquialisms to try to embarrass his friend—not maliciously, of course.  More because he knows Heatwave can take it, and knows Heatwave can figure out what he really means.

impatientredtruck:

“Jerking off? I don’t want to know, do I?” Heatwave internally shakes his head. 

When he starts getting washed he settles in quite happily. He would be shuttering his optics and smiling to himself. It does indeed feel good. He tries to refrain from letting his engine rumble. 

“Probably not.” Kade just laughs at the shifting beneath him.  It’s nice to have a chance to spend some time with his partner, and though he’d never admit it, he missed Heatwave.

impatientredtruck:

“You don’t know the way a wash feels, it’s like one of those ‘massages’ I’ve heard of you humans getting. You want me to be making noises and faces and flopping out in the back yard, fine with me,” Heatwave shrugs and then transforms and sits in his alt mode, waiting.

He at least gets to stare up at the skies when he can. It’s a nice view. 

Kade laughs and turns on a hose to wet Heatwave off. “Nah, it’s probably better if it doesn’t look like there’s a robot jerking off in our back yard.  Besides, if Cody showed up I wouldn’t know how to explain it to him.”

Pouring some water and soap into the bucket, Kade mixes it around with the sponge and climbs up onto Heatwave’s cabin to suds him up.

impatientredtruck:

dudeinabigredtruck replied to your post: Hey, mech, where’ve you been lately? Feels like I’ve been doing all the work lately, hah. C’mon out to the backyard and, uh, I’ll give you a wash or something. Alright?

What, I can’t try to be nice? I just… Look, okay? We haven’t talked in a while, and I don’t completely hate you. So do you want a wash or what?

Well sorry for bein’ wary. 

… But yea a wash would be nice. I’ll head out in the back and meet you, I guess? I’ll sit in alt mode just so nobody really peeks in and sees anything out of the ordinary. 

“Out of the ordinary”?  Heatwave, the whole town know about you guys.  Maybe not the full story, but…

Eh, whatever makes you happy.  Be right there.

*Kade takes a moment to grab a sponge, bucket, and some soap, then heads out to the backyard*

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

dudeinabigredtruck:

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

Tarn tsks mock-disappointedly. “Really, Kade, the object is to provide context for each word, to better demonstrate your understanding. This obvious lack of effort is, of course, to your own detriment; it’s hardly a concern of mine. I’m simply attempting to expand your horizons, though, I admit, it’s entirely possible that you’re simply incapable of bettering yourself.”

Grousing to himself, Kade tries really, really hard not to rise to the bait. “Yeah, well, fuck you.” To no avail, of course.  Tarn gets on every single one of his nerves. “Look, was that it or what, loser?”

Tarn is, admittedly, a bit disappointed that Kade didn’t express himself rather more vehemently, but he’d never expected that the human would provide good entertainment indefinitely. “Being that you appear to be a lost cause, yes. I believe we’re done here. You may spend the remainder of your hour reading a dictionary,” Tarn responds drily.

“Lost cause?  Wha—awww, man!  Are you kidding me?  I gotta read a freaking dictionary?  Fuck you, man.  Fuck.  You.” Kade rolled his eyes and dropped his head into the dictionary he’d used earlier, then leapt up when a spider crawled into his hair.  Dancing around, cursing and spitting, Kade wondered if he would have been better sleeping in today.

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

dudeinabigredtruck:

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

“I suppose that’s the best you can manage, isn’t it?” Tarn comments drily. “You’ve rather significantly distorted the definition of several, but you seem to have gotten the general meaning—except in the case of ‘castigate’. I suggest you look up the exact definition.”

“And, Kade—don’t forget the sentences.”

Kade grumbles to himself—damn.  That usually worked with Chief.

“Fine, whatever.  You want sentences?  Okay, whatever.  Obsequious: humans’ll never be obsequious to Decepticons.  Proletarian: your sense of humor’s fucking proletarian.  Ignoble: your ugly face is freaking ignoble.  And… I’d fucking castigate the hell out of you if you were worth my time.”

Tarn tsks mock-disappointedly. “Really, Kade, the object is to provide context for each word, to better demonstrate your understanding. This obvious lack of effort is, of course, to your own detriment; it’s hardly a concern of mine. I’m simply attempting to expand your horizons, though, I admit, it’s entirely possible that you’re simply incapable of bettering yourself.”

Grousing to himself, Kade tries really, really hard not to rise to the bait. “Yeah, well, fuck you.” To no avail, of course.  Tarn gets on every single one of his nerves. “Look, was that it or what, loser?”

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

dudeinabigredtruck:

Kade stares dumbly at the words, fairly certain that whatever god exists was laughing at him.  Those—no way were those real words.  Fuck.  Wandering over to the bookshelf, Kade hauled out the dictionary and got to searching.

“Uh… okay… so… ‘obsequious’ means… submissive?  Um… ‘dero—derogate’ is like putting someone down.  ’Pro—’ Man, how the fuck do you pronounce that? Whatever.  It’s like simple.  ’Ignoble’ is kinda like something’s not expensive or frilly or stuff like that.  And—man, what the hell?!  I know what that word means, fuck off!”

“I suppose that’s the best you can manage, isn’t it?” Tarn comments drily. “You’ve rather significantly distorted the definition of several, but you seem to have gotten the general meaning—except in the case of ‘castigate’. I suggest you look up the exact definition.”

“And, Kade—don’t forget the sentences.”

Kade grumbles to himself—damn.  That usually worked with Chief.

“Fine, whatever.  You want sentences?  Okay, whatever.  Obsequious: humans’ll never be obsequious to Decepticons.  Proletarian: your sense of humor’s fucking proletarian.  Ignoble: your ugly face is freaking ignoble.  And… I’d fucking castigate the hell out of you if you were worth my time.”

thevoiceofdesolatesparks:

dudeinabigredtruck:

Oh, God…

Look, okay, I didn’t mean anything by it.  I just—uh… forgot?

Tarn tsks mock-disappointedly. “Such inattention. I’m afraid I’ll require rather more of you than that. Fortunately, this task is relatively simple. I’ve a list of words for you, and you’ll define them and use each of them in an appropriate sentence.

Your list is as follows:

1. obsequious
2. derogate
3. proletarian
4. ignoble
5. castigate

Kade stares dumbly at the words, fairly certain that whatever god exists was laughing at him.  Those—no way were those real words.  Fuck.  Wandering over to the bookshelf, Kade hauled out the dictionary and got to searching.

“Uh… okay… so… ‘obsequious’ means… submissive?  Um… ‘dero—derogate’ is like putting someone down.  ’Pro—’ Man, how the fuck do you pronounce that? Whatever.  It’s like simple.  ’Ignoble’ is kinda like something’s not expensive or frilly or stuff like that.  And—man, what the hell?!  I know what that word means, fuck off!”

Oh, shit.